"Planet Schmanet, Janet" is a song from theatrical and cinematographic productions of The Rocky Horror Show since 1973 to this day, including the 1975 original film, the 2015 tribute production celebrating 40 years, and the 2016 reimagining film. Music and lyrics were composed by Richard O'Brien back in 1972 while the original musical arrangements are from Richard Hartley.
This song is not included in the 1973 Original London Cast recording because the album was recorded before "Charles Atlas Song", "Charles Atlas Song (Reprise)", "Eddie's Teddy", and "Planet Schmanet, Janet" were added to the show. Nonetheless, these songs were already written just as the rest of the music.
It was originally performed mainly by Tim Curry in the original 1973 stage production (although the song was not recorded for the album), the 1974 Roxy production in Los Angeles, the original Broadway production, and the 1975 original film with Paddy O'Hagan, Meat Loaf, and Jonathan Adams, respectively. It was also performed by Reg Livermore and David Cameron in the 1974 Australian production, by Tim McInnerny and Gordon Kennedy in the 1990 West End Revival, by Tom Hewitt and Lea DeLaria in the 2001 Broadway Revival, by unknown singers in a deleted scene from the 2010 Glee episode, and mainly by Laverne Cox in the 2016 reimagining TV film.
Context[]
Fed up with the events of the night, Dr. Frank-N-Furter orders his servants, Riff Raff and Magenta, to activate the sonic transducer to "mental-kidnap" his guests (and now slaves) Brad Majors, Janet Weiss, Dr. Scott, Columbia and Rocky Horror. In the stage productions, a gas is used to drug the guests, in the film version they are turned into statues.
In some albums, this song is split into two songs, the other being "Planet Hot Dog" but it should not be considered as an extra song, since it was written as a single song.
Lyrics[]
- Lyrics from the 1974 Los Angeles, USA stage production:
Frank-N-Furter:
Ok, it's start time
Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on
Program 8,
Riff Raff:
Program 8!
Frank:
And secure all levels at zero
Riff Raff:
Zero!
Magenta:
Relax!
Dr. Scott:
You won't find earth people quite the easy mark that
you imagine - this sonic transducer! It is I suppose
some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular transport device!
Frank:
You better believe it, baby
Brad:
You mean...?
Dr. Scott:
Yes, Brad - it's something we ourselves have been
working on. But it seems our friend here has found
a way of perfecting it - a device that is capable of
breaking down solid matter and then projecting it
through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself.
Janet:
Dr. Scott do you mean he’s going to send us to another planet?
Frank:
Planet - Shmanet Janet
Tell you once, won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
Your apple pie, don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed, it should be all she needs
She’s as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block? Well take my advice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
The transducer will seduce ya
It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind-fuck can be nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up, build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
Narrator:
And then she cries out
Janet:
Stop!!
Frank-N-Furter:
Don't get hot and flustered
Use a bit of mustard
Dr. Scott:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
Brad:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
All minus Frank:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
Magenta:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her
- Lyrics from the 1975 original film:
Frank-N-Furter:
I tell you once, I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
Your apple pie, don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need
You’re as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block? Well take my advice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
The transducer will seduce ya
It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind-fuck can be nice (Janet: Oh!)
Planet - Shmanet Janet
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up, build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
Janet:
Stop!!
Frank-N-Furter:
Don't get hot and flustered
Use a bit of mustard
Brad:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
Dr. Scott:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
Janet:
You're a hot dog!
- Lyrics from the 2001 Broadway Revival:
Frank-N-Furter:
Ok, it's start time
Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on
Program 8 and secure all levels at zero
Magenta:
Relax!
Dr. Scott:
You won't find earth people quite the easy mark that
you imagine - this sonic transducer! It is I suppose
some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular transport device!
Janet:
Do you mean he’s going to send us to another planet?
Frank:
Planet - Shmanet Janet
Tell you once, won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
Your apple pie, it didn’t taste too nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need
You’re as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block? Well take my advice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
The transducer will seduce ya
It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind-fuck can be nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up, build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
Narrator:
And then she cries out
Janet:
Stop!!
Frank:
Don't get hot and flustered
Use a bit of mustard
Brad:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
All minus Frank:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
You're a hot dog but you -
Magenta:
Better not
Try to hurt her, no! Frank Furter
You're a hot dog but you…
Link to the Glee song in Youtube
- Lyrics from the 2010 Glee episode:
Frank-N-Furter:
I tell you once, I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
Your apple pie don’t taste too nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need
You’re as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block? Well take my advice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
The transducer will seduce ya
Planet Shmanet Janet
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss
You'd better wise up, build your thighs up
You'd better wise up
And then she cried out
- Lyrics from the 2016 TV reimagination film:
Frank-N-Furter (Company):
I tell you once, I won't tell you twice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss (You'd better wise up Janet Weiss)
Your apple pie, don't taste too nice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss (You'd better wise up Janet Weiss)
I've laid the seed, it should be all you need
You’re as sensual as a pencil
Wound up like an 'E' or first string
When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?
You got a block? Well take my advice
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss (You'd better wise up Janet Weiss)
The transducer will seduce ya
It's something you'll get used to
A mental mind-fuck can be nice
Planet - Shmanet Janet
You'd better wise up Janet Weiss (You'd better wise up Janet Weiss)
You'd better wise up, build your thighs up (You'd better wise up)
You'd better wise up
Narrator:
And then she cries out
Janet:
Stop!!
Frank-N-Furter:
Don't get hot and flustered
Use a bit of mustard
Brad:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
Dr. Scott:
You're a hot dog but you better not
Try to hurt her Frank Furter
Janet:
You're a hot dog!